Torch - Spring/Summer 2019

Several years ago, Principal Davy received a special little book from a colleague. Over the span of her academic career, she has referenced the book many times. It’s called Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much , by Anne Wilson Schaef, and Principal Davy finds herself turning to its passages—each section contains a quote, a few thoughtful paragraphs and a meditation mantra—often for inspiration. As she moves on from Havergal into retirement, Principal Davy talks about some of her favourite passages from the book and what they mean to her as a woman who, sometimes, does too much. She also shared her musing on these topics with the Upper School student body at the end of the winter term. My self-respect is not only essential to me, it is important to the world. HK: Self-respect is at the core of women’s rights. We’ve been fighting for pay equality, the same rights to education, access to professions—these efforts all come down to self-respect, which you have to have before you can argue your case or argue the case of others. But also, if you don’t respect yourself, you will find yourself manipulated by others,

or bullied. Young teenagers often go through an identity crisis and ask themselves who they are and search for their moral compass. When you discover your identity and self- respect, you can say, above all else, I deserve to be respected. This idea also connects to empathy. Respect is really a starting point for an empathetic view of the world. When you respect yourself, you can better see and care about others. I may not always like the gift wrapping, and it’s the gift that’s important. HK: I like the quote that starts this section. “We cannot find peace if we are afraid of the windstorms of life.” If you’re afraid of windstorms, of change, you’re constantly in a state of anxiety, wondering what is about to happen. Sometimes you don’t like what’s coming your way, but you’ve got to deal with it. And you have to take responsibility and look at yourself, as opposed to blaming others when things go wrong. It’s very easy in today’s world to get wrapped up on what’s on the surface of things and not see its true meaning. This can happen to students and many adults. Take the time you need to see the value or relevance of an experience not in the now, but later. Today I have the opportunity to begin or continue an inner journey that can last the rest of my life. HK: I found this one very much relates to working in a school, because young girls are developing their self-awareness. I’m particularly interested in girls from Grades 5 to 8, and I’ve always felt that when they develop a strong self-awareness at that age, it positions them in good stead later in life. That’s why we included in our strategic plan a section called “Minds Set Free,” which is about discovering your own strengths and personality. These middle years can be a difficult time: you have a memory of yourself as a carefree child, but now you have acne

and you bite your nails. What is important is being by yourself and having time to reflect and find out who you are.

Everyday courage is all I ask.

HK: This section of the book makes me think so much of Havergal and the things I’ve learned during my time here. This community is one of the most open and courageous. I have watched many girls with an incredible ability to jump into difficult topics openly, without fear of any kind. The students have given me courage to be more open. For example, when my mother was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was working at a different school in the U.K. and I didn’t tell my colleagues at first. But I’ve learned so much from the girls here about talking about difficult things and putting ideas into action. It’s become a goal for me to do more of this. And it’s had an impact on how I feel about retiring. They’ve inspired me to be open to what other doors might open for me, and how I might do good in the world and embrace new opportunities with bravery and an open mind.

TABLE OF CONTENTS | SPRING/SUMMER 2019 • TORCH 41

Schaef, A. W. Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much. San Francisco: HarperOne, 2012.