The Bluestocking 2022-23

I told some of my friends about my problem, but always vaguely. I didn’t relish

in divulging the details. I had my reasons for doing so: I didn’t want my friends to worry.

I didn’t want to re-experience my lowest moments. I wanted to keep sinking.

Ultimately, the disorder overtakes the “just tired” excuse, and it can no longer be hidden. I wasn’t ready for that to happen yet, though. I was going to be tired for as long as I could. * Otters can stay underwater for eight minutes, which is longer than most land animals. They can close their nostrils and ears to keep out water, which must help with their capacity to stay under the surface for so long. I don’t think they’d be able to if their nostrils and ears lacked the ability. * I left yet another class oddly muted and unenthusiastic. Liz walked next to me, neither of us speaking. This time, there was nothing comforting about the silence. An ugly truth took over me as I searched for something to say. I realized that the distance I felt between us was far greater than any silence. I exhaled, trying to push out the arising heavy emotions, but I broke down in tears at once. Liz handled it well. “Come on, let’s go,” she said quietly while guiding me to an empty room. I hung my head low, desperate to avoid eye contact with anyone we passed. I sat down once she closed the door, pulling my knees close to me as I contin ued to sob. Liz paced in front of me, seemingly nervous. After my tears ceased enough for me to speak, she made me tell her everything. For the first time, I did so willingly. I thought the hardest part would be admitting that part of the reason I didn’t seek help was that I didn’t want to get better, but I was wrong. More than anything, the hardest part was seeing Liz’s face as I told her. As it turns out, she saw past the “just tired” excuse. She didn’t know what to do, but she told me that I had to get better not just for myself, but for other people. Whatever tears I still had left in me were cried out after her words, but I was okay. At least, I was going to be.