Behind the Ivy - Spring 2018

LIFE

S E L F L O V E I S N ’ T S E L F I S H CHELSEA DUMASAL

years. But, when I acknowledge these belittling statements that come out of my mouth, I remind myself to stop. And, though I still say these self-deprecating statements, I say them less often now. I now admit when I truly feel good after a test. I now sleep in on Saturday mornings to revive my body with energy that it has been weeping for throughout the whole school week. I now grab the belly fat (that we all have) and tell myself that I am thankful for it, as it means I have the privilege to be nourished. insecure, but I disagree. Yes, I have insecurities, but I don’t define myself as insecure. I define myself as Chelsea, a girl who is recovering from years of self-deprecation—a very human defense mechanism—by loving herself more and encouraging others to love themselves more. Perhaps you think this article about self-love makes me appear

encourage their followers to love their bodies. I click the “follow” button on accounts of strangers who post recaps of their relaxing “me” days without any regret, or recaps of days filled with friends, family, and a lot of food, also without any regret. I find “quote” accounts who post meaningful sayings, like: Post your selfies for you . Doll up for you . Take naps for you . Eat good food for you . Make you happy. Who the **** are “they”? These accounts opened my eyes to showing me that I should treat myself with more respect, do things in the name of me, for me, and appreciate my value instead of belittling it. However, there is no “on/off” switch to self-love. Currently, I’m in the transition of loving myself more. I still find myself saying, “I suck,” at sports, even though I know I have some strengths in the sports I play. I still pick out the flaws in a selfie before posting. I still say, “I can’t sight- sing,” in Choir, even though I think I have improved my sight-singing abilities over the

“How did you find that test?” asked a classmate.

“Oh, I failed it,” I said, though really I thought I aced it.

Ever since elementary school, I have used self-deprecation as a defense mechanism to practice modesty or to laugh. Whether I disparaged my academic performance or my perception of my appearance, I didn’t realize how blinding and detrimental years of self-deprecation was to a love that I needed just as much as any other type of love: self- love. Self-love is characterized as love given to yourself from yourself by embracing and accepting anything that makes you, you: your personality, your looks, your flaws, your highlights. What made me aware of this love that I had been depriving myself of for years were, and still are, Instagram accounts that promote self-love. On the daily, I scroll along my feed and come across figures who shamelessly post pictures of their body fat or stretch marks with confident smiles and captions that

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