Behind the Ivy - Spring 2018

SPRING ISSUE |  BEHIND THE IVY

MO R E T H A N B E I N G S H Y JOYCE LI

loud and outspoken.

know this about me. When I talk about having anxiety, I often get responses like, “How come you’re never anxious around me?” or, “But you don’t seem super shy.” Some even tell me that I should force myself into more social situations so that I can “get over” my illness. I can’t blame them – mental illnesses are rarely portrayed accurately, if at all, in the media, so it makes sense that people don’t know much about mine. That’s why I want to shed some light on my anxiety disorder and, hopefully, encourage others struggling with mental illnesses to do the same. Some people’s responses to my having a mental illness have been to try to fix it. I’ve been dragged to social gatherings by friends and enrolled in public speaking classes by family members who thought forcing me to “face my fears” would make my anxiety disappear. It doesn’t. In fact, the more pressure there is for me to socialize, the more anxious I get. My anxiety can be managed through coping methods of my own, but it’s not something that can be cured. Contrary to popular belief, social anxiety doesn’t necessarily make me quiet or shy. Those who don’t know me very well might think I’m very withdrawn, but my close friends know that I can also be

I was in Grade Four when I realized that there was

something different about me. When I transferred to a new school, my mom reassured me that “the first week or so will be hard, but you’ll make new friends in no time.”

Different people have different ways of coping with their anxiety, and I have mine, which is why I’m no longer terrified of presentations and group work today. Sometimes my mind still goes blank when a teacher randomly calls on me in class, and Harkness discussions— the amalgamation of all my worst fears—continue to be pretty difficult for me. Still, I’m learning to accept and even embrace my anxiety. Anxiety can get to me sometimes, and that’s okay. Though it is often difficult to maintain this mindset, it really takes the pressure off my shoulders when I’m not so hard on myself. If you know someone with social anxiety, you might be thinking, “This social anxiety thing sounds pretty hard. Can I do anything for them?” The answer is yes . The best thing you can do for them isn’t to try to fix or even understand their mental illness – I don’t even understand it. It is to make a genuine and constant effort to talk to them, try to include them into group activities—even if they sometimes decline the invitation—and most importantly, accept them for who they are.

Making a friend took me over a year.

It wasn’t because the other kids were unfriendly. On my first day of school, a group of girls invited me to sit with them at lunch. The thing was, I had nothing to say to them. I could never bring myself to join in on their conversation; I was constantly afraid of interrupting someone or saying something stupid. In the end, we never became friends. In Middle School, I finally put a name to my difficulty. Social anxiety disorder, one of the most common mental illnesses, explained why I was often afraid of starting conversations, meeting new people, speaking in large groups, raising my hand in class, or being put on the spot. Ironically, finding out about my anxiety actually helped me finally gain confidence. I learned that I am not broken; I just have a mental illness. Others share my struggle, and my anxiety can be managed.

16

The thing is, not many people